Death rites express the
reverse of the birth transition. Through illness or aging, the individual
is often removed from an active life and normal social contact.
After life is ended, prescribed religious or cultural rituals are
followed in order to help the survivors accept the new state (see
Funeral Rites and Customs). Funerals allow the dead person's community
to mourn publicly, and provide an opportunity for the values of
the society to be reaffirmed. In some religious beliefs, the soul
departs from the body and attains a new status.1
Funeral Rites and Customs, observances connected with death and
burial. Such observances are a distinctive human characteristic.
Not only are they deeply associated with religious beliefs about
the nature of death and the existence of an afterlife, but they
also have important psychological, sociological, and symbolic functions
for the survivors. Thus, the study of the ways in which the dead
are treated in different cultures leads to a better understanding
of the many diverse views about death and dying, as well as of human
nature. Funerary rites and customs are concerned not only with the
preparation and disposal of the body, but also with the well-being
of the survivors and with the persistence of the spirit or memory
of the deceased.2
In all cultures, human beings make a practice of interacting with
what are taken to be spiritual powers. These powers may be in the
form of gods, spirits, ancestors, or any kind of sacred reality
with which humans believe themselves to be connected. Sometimes
a spiritual power is understood broadly as an all-embracing reality
(see pantheism), and sometimes it is approached through its manifestation
in special symbols. It may be regarded as external to the self,
internal, or both. People interact with such a presence in a sacred
manner—that is, with reverence and care. Religion is the term
most commonly used to designate this complex and diverse realm of
human experience.3
Why
The Bereaved Need Outside Help
by Joanie Overbeck - TLC Group
WHY DO WE NEED OUTSIDE HELP TO RESOLVE
OUR GRIEF OUR GRANDPARENTS
DIDN'T NEED HELP
Well, they did, but it was inherent
in their community.
1) Our grandparents had seen others,
in their often multi- generational home or neighborhood, grieve.
They learned that grieving was a normal response to a loss,
and they learned how to grieve or how not to grieve, but it
was a part of their life experience.
Today, most adults have never seen
anyone, up-close and personal, grieve. We don't know what's normal
or how to do it. We have no education to handle the most difficult
times in our lives.
2) Our grandparents had society
rules that told you grieving was okay. People wore armbands;
they cared for their dead; there were wakes in the home; they
wore black for up to a year; it was respectable to remember
and honor the dead; tragedies and losses were looked at as major
life events that people needed time to recover from.
Today, we are given three days bereavement
leave from work, if the person is deemed close enough to us. We
are also given many other messages from well-meaning friends and
family that we should be over "it". and, if we are not,
then we are mentally ill. Many healthcare professionals misdiagnose
people because they don't know what is normal!
3) Our grandparents had more support
and ties to the community. They grew up and lived in the same
small town or community most of their lives. Their family and
friends were close by geographically. They had many loved ones
nearby to help them daily cope with the burden of grief. And,
those loved ones had a better idea of what was normal.
Today, we are lucky if we have any
of our family in the same city, and if we have a friend we have
known longer than five years in that city. So, we often grieve
in isolation. Thinking we are the only one who is having a problem
dealing with loss!!!!!
So, the reason we need help today
is that:
WE are given NO TIME, NO ROLE Models,
NO Support and NO Education to
get through the most traumatic times OF OUR lives.
We believe much of the anger and violence
in our society is because we are not helping people mend after
traumatic events in their lives. We want them back to work and
fully functioning as a wife, or husband or secretary or whatever
role they play in our lives. We must learn what is normal and
how to help, and then in someway pass that information on to someone
else. You may save a life by doing so!
TLC group grants anyone the
right to use this information without compensation so long as
the copy is not used for profit or as training materials in a
profit making activity such as workshops, lectures, and seminars,
and so long as this paragraph is retained in its entirety
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RRartist4U:
I believe there is no honor in staying in grief, not to the
one you loved
Friend: No, they want to
see you move on. You know the past two days I thought were going
to be really hard, but they really weren't, I can't say I wasn't
sad or that my heart didn't feel heavy, but I also felt I was
moving forward.
RRartist4U: They want to
have been the reason you are fulfilled in life, that you became
a good person, that you were able to love because they loved
you! {{{{{{Friend:}}}}}} that is so great!
Friend: Yea it was, I think
I finally worked through all that stuff with my dad. I guess
I'm at the acceptance part of the healing journey and I tried
to think of the good things, not the times they died, or how
I felt at that moment.
RRartist4U: how long do you
give back, before it's not good for you?
Friend: I think it depends
on the person. I was so caught up in what I was suppose to be
doing, that I lost what I needed to do for me.
RRartist4U: hmmm...all these
lessons are the same ones people have been trying to learn for
eons
Friend: Yep sure are
RRartist4U: grief is part
of life, but you have to have those skills to move to the life
after? That's why I think it's important to have a professional
opinion on how long is good ??? The questions on grief are always
the same! Why, how long, and when. These are good questions,
but the answers have to have resolution for healthy healing!
good must come from bad, if this is the good then maybe we are
going to find something from it?
Friend: I think so, and at
the same time I think all this will make us stronger. I was
talking to another friend about these things last nite, and
she was telling me how different my grief for my dad was different
than hers. She lost her dad 6yrs. Ago, it has allot to do with
the issues surrounding the person who died, and the ones left
behind She had no unresolved issues with her dad..
RRartist4U: I have many,
LOL
Friend: LOL, Yes as I have
had with my own but I think maybe I have worked through them
RRartist4U: but that is what
makes finding a new purpose so much more important!
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