|
Play Music
Freebird
The story of the Ugly
Duckling, turning into the beautiful swan reminds us that as
we grow, we change. We become something beautiful to be admired
and loved.
When we lose a sibling, our vision becomes clouded with memories
of teasing and pushing our sibling aside for our own needs.
The family is no longer in step with each other. The missing
sibling leaves us out of tune. As the surviving sibling, we
did not become the “evil seed” that will forever remind
our parents of their loss, we did not become the beautiful swan
that will take the place of the child that died.
Our own journey in life will take it’s course, and we will
become the swan ourselves carrying the memory of our sibling
on beautiful wings..
Don't Laugh
at Me Mark Wills
I'm a little boy with glasses, the one they call a geek a little
girl who never smiles cuz I got braces on my teeth and I know
how it feels to cry myself to sleep, I'm that kid on every playground
who is always chosen last a single teenage mother tryin to overcome
Her past, You don't have to be my friend if it's too much to
ask. Don't laugh at me, don't call me names Don't get your pleasure
from my pain In god's eyes we're all the same some day we'll
all have perfect Wings Don't laugh at me I'm a cripple on the
corner. You pass me on the street I wouldn't be out Here begging
if I had enough to eat and don't think I don't notice that our
eyes never meet I lost my wife and little boy somewhere down
that yellow line The day we laid 'em in the ground was the day
I lost my mind Right now I'm down to holdin this little cardboard
sign Don't laugh at me, Don't call me names Don't get your pleasure
from my pain In god's eyes we're all the same someday we'll
all have perfect wings Don't laugh at me I'm Fat, I'm thin I'm
short, I'm tall I'm deaf, I'm blind Hey aren't we all, Don't
laugh at me, Don't call me names, Don't get your pleasure from
my pain In God's eyes we're all the same, someday we'll all
have perfect wings Don't laugh at me
Three Myths of Children's
grief
presented
in a seminar for the grief Resource Foundation, 1978
* Myth 1. Children Don't grieve
- Children grieve all losses in spurts,
several times a day - They re-grieve throughout all developmental
stages - Children don't know they're grieving or understand their
feelings
* Myth 2. Children Experience Few Losses
- Children experiences losses on a
daily basis:
.. at school: sports, grades, Competitions,
self Esteem, Relationships .. at home : Control, understanding,
dysfunctional family losses ( 1 of 7 loses a parent to death before
age 10 )
* Myth 3. Childhood is the happiest
Time of One's Life
- a child will go through 6 developmental
stages between birth and age 21 - Each stage is marked by a period
of continuous change in cognition, feelings, and physical development
- almost every area of life through each developmental stage is
totally controlled by circumstances outside of the influence of
the child.
Concerning Siblings
adapted from: Helping Children Cope With Loss
Buz Overbeck - Joanie Overbeck
TLC group - Dallas, TX 1995
It's been said that
when a child's brother or sister dies, actually three people are
lost: the sibling and both parents. The sibling also loses a friend,
playmate, confidant, role model, and lifelong companion. For the
parents, the loss of a child is often so traumatic that they have
little left to give to the surviving children. Yet the surviving
sibling has fears, needs, and anxieties that must be explored
and addressed if the child is to avoid negative long term consequences.
Listed here are normal feelings siblings might have concerning
the loss along with some suggestions on what to do to encourage
their expression.
* Normal Thoughts
* "Did I cause the death?"
* "Will the rest of my family die?"
* "Who will take care of me now?"
* "I'm all alone now."
* "Half of me died."
* "I'm different from all the other
kids."
* "I'm not a child anymore."
* "I feel left out."
* "Things will never be the same
again."
* "No one cares about my grief,
only about my parent's grief."
* "I can't cry because it will
make my parents more upset."
* "I feel guilty to be happy or
to laugh."
* "Why wasn't it me?"
* "Will I die young, too?"
* "I made it happen by wishing
him dead!"
* "If I act like my sibling, maybe
my parents will feel better."
* "Maybe my parents would love
me more if I died!"
* Normal Feelings
* Impatient and angry at the world.
* Resentful over the attention the parents
are getting.
* Resentful over the attention they
are not getting.
* Resentful over having to do more around
the home.
* Fearful of having to replace the sibling.
* Guilt for feeling relieved over the
death after a long illness.
* Guilt over all the "bad"
thoughts, words, and fights with the deceased.
* How To Help
* The bereaved parents should constantly
remind themselves to be sensitive to the feelings of the surviving
children.
* The parents should strive to maintain
as much of a normal routine as possible for the survivors.
* The parents should encourage grieving,
openness and the expression of feelings in the children by grieving
openly and expressively in front of them.
* Reassure them that they are not going
to die, too.
* Reassure them that they are loved, wanted
and okay.
* Reassure them that they did not cause
the death in any way.
* Give lots of physical reassurance in
the way of touching and hugs.
* Contact the teacher/teachers or school
counselors.
* Ask them what and how they would like
the school to be told.
* Prepare them for questions and remarks
they can expect at school.
* Encourage them to resume their normal
activities at their own pace.
* Remember the sibling's birthday and
anniversary of the death.
* Remember the sibling at special family
gatherings and functions.
* Don't be afraid to talk about the child
that died.
* Talk about all the qualities of the
child that died--positive and negative.
* Talk about the differences between the
siblings--good and bad.
* Don't promise them a replacement sibling
with talks of having another child.
* Remember: surviving siblings cannot
become, or replace, the deceased brother or sister.
|
